Everyone Needs A Good Map
by Chibiaddicted
Summary: Sakura was usually so good with directions…at least she thought so until she ended up in the middle of Akatsuki territory. Now she’s surrounded by eight handsome men who want more than just the feisty Haruno’s medical abilities… SakuraxAkatsuki
1. Completely and Utterly Lost

I just found this old story and decided to continue it :)

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Sakura wasn't one of those girls who had no sense of direction. She could definitely find her way out of a paper box. In all honesty, she could find her way out of practically anything with just plain luck. But even that seemed to have deserted her in her hour of need.

Haruno Sakura was _lost._ And not just any 'out for a stroll, where-am-I' lost, but a 'is this place even on a map' lost.

Sakura's mouth twisted and her eyebrows furrowed as she turned the map upside down. "Naruto said this map was perfect, but…" she trailed off, knowing it was her own fault for trusting the blond.

She had been in the same spot for little over ten minutes, having already explored most of the surrounding area. To the East were mountains, South was a river, North more forestry, and the West were more mountains. No villages, no humans, not even a wandering shinobi.

_Now that I think about it…there hasn't even been a single animal._ Before the thought could fully register in her mind her hands had already grabbed a kunai out of her pocket, lifting up to block another kunai in one fluid motion. Quickly she scanned the area, but was just a split second too late.

Two men walked into the small clearing. Both were much taller than her, but one had a very distinct skin color.

_Blue?_ She thought, face remaining impassive. As a Jonin, Sakura seriously tried to remain textbook and took all her lessons. She had already checked out their chakra. Of course it was much more than she thought, but the normal one was all too familiar to the medic.

"Itachi." She spat out, literally. She glared at the nonchalant man until the blue one spoke.

"You must be on the Kyuubi's team. Figure's one of you would be stupid enough to tumble into _our_ land." He grinned at her, revealing a row of pointy teeth that Sakura would rather not get near.

"Well excuse me for getting lost. Now if you two could be so kind?" She pointed to the woods behind her expectantly, hoping they'd let her go…

"Ha." The blue one laughed lazily. She sighed. Of course not.

"Then can you guys just leave and pretend that I was never here? I'd hate to have to ruin the pretty Uchiha's face." She boasted, hoping more and more that they'd leave, but knowing more and more that they wouldn't.

"Funny, girl." Itachi said emotionlessly. He motioned something to the blue man, who nodded before taking a step toward Sakura.

"I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, one, and two, don't come near me." She held up her kunai and stepped back cautiously. Who would trust a blue shark-man to come near themselves?

"I won't hurt you, pink." He said, almost kindly, holding out a hand. It was long enough to almost reach her. She cut it, barely scratching the skin, and a small bead of blood pooled up. He laughed at her pathetic attempt.

"You won't hurt me with that puny thing, pink." He growled out, lunging at her, and throwing her over his shoulder effortlessly. "Now, come meet the people you'll be spending the rest of the time until you die with."

And with that…Haruno Sakura, a girl of impetuous directional abilities, found herself lost and therefore in deep trouble with the worst kind of people – the kind who wore black jackets on a hot day.

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Yes, this will be AkatsukixSakura :)

I have about 1/4 written out on paper so this one should be updated pretty often (at least compared to my usual update times)

**Edit: **Yeah, I'm dumb and put it under SakuraxItachi when there is a category for Akatsuki :P

Oh, and I spelled Feisty wrong in the summary, which is weird.

**Changed as of 8/24/09**


	2. It's SAKURA

Everyone should thank xXBlueDazeXxfor telling me that it has been three months! I did not plan for it to take this long, but I do apologize!

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The blue man sighed for the tenth time. Honestly, Sakura thought to herself, how many times will she have to kick and punch him before he finally lets go? Apparently more than one hundred at least.

"I'm not going to let you go, pink." He mumbled. She felt the vibrations through his chest and back as he talked.

"My name is Sak-u-ra!" Sakura yelled into his ear. His grip on her legs tightened, making it feel as if he might snap her bones in a second.

"And I'm not deaf." He hissed, throwing her on the ground. She scrambled to her feet, trying to wipe the dust off of her black shorts. The blue man turned to face Itachi, who, for the most part, seemed like a walking corpse. "If I have to hold that stick for another second I'm going to eat her." The blue man stated with all seriousness.

"Then eat her." Itachi conceded with a shrug. "We don't really need her and it's not like she can't heal with a few missing parts." Sakura, not really shocked by Itachi's serious answer, rolled her eyes.

"Actually, I can't."

"What?" It was the first time Itachi had even looked at her, let alone said anything. He seemed almost surprised (_almost_ because Uchihas are _never_ surprised, startled, or concerned).

"I can't heal with a missing limb. To do that, you need a specialist to teach you. I've never really had a need to learn..." She trailed off, feeling stupider with every word. Talking to Itachi was like talking to a tree. Only, you know the tree is probably alive and growing, with Itachi, you aren't too sure about the living part.

The "tree" gave her a sharp glare, but said nothing. The thought passed through her mind that he might be able to read her mind…

The shark rolled his eyes. "Fine, I won't eat you. Just shut up." He scooped her up, finding it less of a hassle since Sakura had decided fighting was not worth losing a leg. He seemed a lot happier with the relentless tapping on his stomach and back.

--

"Are we there yet?"

No answer.

"Are we there yet now?"

No answer.

"Why would you have a secret headquarters so far away?"

No answer.

"Really, I don't get it. You figure you'd guys at least have some little mini headquarters around so take breaks at."

No answer.

"I mean, don't you guys get tired walking this far or is there a secret entrance you don't want me to know about?"

"If there was a secret ditch, you'd be in it already." Kisame (Sakura learned his name when Itachi was warning the blue shark not to kill her) mumbled.

"You're a funny man, Kisame." Sakura said with fake enthusiasm, shooting him a bright, award winning smile.

The shark gave her a noncommittal sound before suddenly grinning from ear to ear. Sakura raised an eyebrow, but was thrown on the ground before she could annoy Kisame even more. She was getting pretty tired of getting thrown around.

"Put this on." Itachi ordered, throwing a rag at her. She caught it in one hand and eyed it with disgust. It was covered in dirt and some black stains she couldn't identify.

"Where? I can't believe that I'm even touching it." She held it out with two fingers, trying to not sully herself by letting the rag touch her anymore than it already has. A visible shiver ran through her body.

Kisame rolled his beady eyes. "Pink, either put it on over your eyes, or I'll rip them out." He said seriously, looking as if he'd thoroughly enjoy it.

She shot him the same challenging look he was giving her. "And how will I be of use to Akatsuki blind?" She stuck her tongue out before turning her attention to the rag. With a sigh, she placed it over her eyes. "Hey, guys, I don't have an arm on my back, can you tie this horrendous thing?" Then she proceeded to mumble things about pink eye as she stood up. Holding the blindfold over her eyes, she turned around, back facing the two S-class ninjas.

A pair of rough hands touched her lightly before taking the rag from her. She felt it tighten before suddenly being thrown onto a rock.

A moving rock, she decided later as she felt the wind on the back of her leg.

It only took five minutes (at least that's what she guessed) for her to be thrown, yet again, onto the rough ground. She coughed a bit as a hand grabbed the back of her shirt and lifted her up. The blindfold was untied and she could see her surroundings…

"What the hell, did you guys really just walk in a circle?" She asked, her green eyes wide. She looked at the two men before her like they were idiots. "Did you guys honestly forget that I'm a ninja too?" She asked, offended. "A jounin too!"

"Really? I was thinking Genin." Kisame said, scratching his blue chin in thought. "Are you a child prodigy or something?" He asked doubtfully.

"I'm eighteen!" She screamed, feeling more like her twelve year old self again. In frustration, she shook her head, sighed, and told them to take her into the headquarters or she'd revolt.

Kisame, in a flash, lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder. "Don't forget that you're a prisoner, Pink."

"It's **Sakura!**"

--

I lost all the work that I had done on this story! :( I'll look for it, but I think it was a causality of cleaning.

I know I don't deserve it, but please review! Think about it, a review caused me to finish this chapter (that was almost done) in 10 minutes!


	3. Fuzzy Handcuffs and Jail Cells

I had a lot of fun with this chapter, hence why it is 2x as long as the others :)

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"Are we there _yet_?" Sakura asked for the umpteenth time as she watched the upside down trees bounce. _Being trapped over the shoulder of a giant fish sucks even more than I imagined it would_, she thought for the umpteenth time that minute since it appeared that neither Kisame nor Itachi (big surprise) would answer her. It didn't even register to her that perhaps imagining about giant fish carrying her over their shoulder before this day wasn't weird at all.

"Aruughhh…" Sakura groaned in another temper tantrum. Really, this day was turning her into a twelve year old again. She pounded the blue man's back roughly, but this time, as "revenge", he smacked her butt.

"Molest! I call foul!" She began screamed, feeling her face turned different shades of red. She felt violated, angry, and her butt was beginning to hurt.

"You touched me first." Kisame said as if that made all the sense in the world. "Plus, you don't have to worry – I only like attractive women."

"I'm plenty attractive!" She argued back, feeling like a fool since she was talking to his back. "It's not my fault that my ninja-ing clothes aren't super low cut and sexy."

"Ninja-ing?" Itachi suddenly asked with a slight, ever so slightly, odd look to his face.

"I want to see Kakuzu's bingo book. There's no way your 18." Kisame said with a chuckle as he threw her on the ground again.

Sakura's sore butt hit the hard ground first, causing her to screech. "You Moth-,"

"Shut up, cursing doesn't suit such an innocent _young_ girl." Kisame said with a frightening toothy grin. "Anyways, we're here so you can stop your whining."

Sakura looked around quickly before spotting the entrance. It was behind a bunch of bushes, but the seal was obvious to her trained eyes.

"That's clever." She said approvingly just as Itachi was done undoing the seal. She knew the only reason that they didn't blindfold her again was because they most likely change the seal every few days and she doubted they could put up with her bitching for another hour about their treatment of her.

She took a step towards the entrance, but both Kisame and Itachi stepped in front of her.

"Don't forget that you're a prisoner, Pink." Kisame said with a sadistic grin as he pulled out a pair of fuzzy blue handcuffs.

"Do I even want to know?" Sakura asked eyeing them with disgust and distrust.

"No." Itachi said simply. Sakura laughed at Itachi's tone of very, very mild disgust. She allowed the blue shark-man to put the handcuffs on her wrists. They tickled just a bit, but Sakura didn't mind as long as she prevented herself from thinking just exactly why the blue shark man owned them.

He seemed to be able to read her thoughts though. "They aren't mine, you pervert. One of the many idiots that you'll meet switched them with my kunai and when I find out who did it you'll never have to meet them again." Sakura shuddered at his very serious threat, but the blue man didn't notice.

They both led her into the headquarters. It was unlike anything Sakura had imagined…it was a lot dirtier. There were giant holes in the walls and the carpet was black in some spots from being burned. There was even something green on the ceiling – Sakura didn't want to know – and a few blood stains here and there.

"This must have been some great party or are you all just…idiots?" Sakura asked, stepping over what looked like the remains of a table.

"We're not usually all together. When the leader decides to place all in the same house it's usually a form of sadistic punishment." Kisame said nonchalantly as he led her through one of the giant holes in the wall – a shortcut he said. Itachi had disappeared down the hall. He's too posh to walk through a hole in the wall.

"This will be your cell." Kisame stated as he opened the door. The room was completely pink. From the baby pink carpet to the light pink ceiling everything was pink.

"What happened here?" Sakura practically yelled upon walking into the frightening room.

"Exactly why it's your cell. Tobi went through an interior designer phase and no one wants to set foot in here anymore."

"So, is Akatsuki's plan to make me kill _myself_?" She joked, jumping on the fuschia colored bed. Secretly, Sakura didn't mind it too much. Her mother went through the same phase and made Sakura's room various shades of pink and green – even going as far to paint Sakura's TV pink and green.

"Not at all, I just decided that you shouldn't be comfortable while you're here and we don't actually have a jail cell."

"Why not? All the cool bad guys do." She mocked as she explored the small, pink room.

"Because of a few incidents with the other members locking people in and forgetting about them…long story, let's just say that this is the best alternative. Now, I'll be back in an hour. Don't try to leave the room and don't open it for anyone." Sakura raised an eyebrow, but agreed.

It only took a full ten minutes for someone to grow curious as to why the evil pink room had its light on.

Deidara was just walking through the headquarters looking for Tobi to pick on when he saw the sliver of light from under the heinous pink door. Since he didn't remember locking Tobi in the room, but wasn't really certain that he didn't, he went up and knocked like a proper criminal.

"I'm sorry, I was told to not open the door." Sakura said demurely from the other side of the door. She figured that not only was Kisame more frightening than most of the Akatsuki that she had seen, but whoever was knocking on the door wasn't very likely to be much of a threat.

"Well I'm telling you to open it." Deidara said. Tobi was apparently not inside (he'd have opened the door immediately), so it had to be a prisoner. The thought that it might be a girlfriend of one the members flickered to life for a brief second, but then died when he remembered just what room the girl was in and just what kind of people he was teamed up with.

"Nope, sorry. I don't open doors for criminals who _knock_." Sakura said with a muffled giggle.

"Hey! Its proper manners. Now open the door before I kick it down." Deidara ordered. Already he hated the prisoner.

"I doubt you could. Only a weak criminal would knock." She stuck her tongue out even though the door was in between them.

Deidara could sense it anyhow.

"I'll be back soon and when I come back I'll make sure you open that door." Deidara swore, leaving to grab some more clay to blow the door to smithereens.

Sakura just laughed at the Akatsuki member. The thought that she was messing around with potentially unstable criminals crossed her mind, but then again she hung around Naruto, Sasuke, and various Leaf ninjas who weren't all there either. Plus, she was in a pink room wearing fuzzy blue handcuffs, how scared could she really be?

That is, until Kakuzu saw a light turned on that shouldn't be…

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Oh no!

What will Sakura do when faced with the money-hungry nin and perhaps a few other "unstable" ninjas in the next chapter?


	4. Of Death Threats and Birds

Not my favorite chapter, but I think it's okay.

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Kakuzu was a very honest man. A girlfriend of his once asked him: "What do you love the most in the world?" She obviously expected the answer to be: "You, of course." But, the poor fool was instead ignored while Kakuzu counted his money. She soon got her answer when, after a recount, Kakuzu found himself short 1 dollar. She then found herself missing a boyfriend, all of the money in her purse, and her clothes. (By the way, Kakuzu found that dollar underneath his chair thirty minutes later)

So, when the stitched man saw a light on in a room that no one dared enter he felt a feeling he had not felt in a least an hour. Pure bloodlust.

The man walked up to the dreaded pink room and knocked. There had been multiple occasions where he had opened the door on his partner without knocking only to be blinded by whatever various (and generally bloody) acts he was doing. So, Kakuzu learned to knock.

"Back already?" Sakura mocked. She was surprised that the man was back so soon, but she figured that Akatsuki didn't have much to do anyways.

"Who are you?" A gruff voice said from the other side. Shocked, Sakura bolted up from her sitting position on the bed and promptly fell off of it. She landed face first since her hands were still in the handcuffs.

"I am just a lowly prisoner." She replied dramatically with a roll of her eyes, trying to stand up while having both hands tied up.

"I don't appreciate sarcasm." Kakuzu practically growled. After years of living with Deidara and Hidan he had perfected his roll-eye-meter and could detect even the slightest eye roll.

"Well, what'd you expect to hear?" She snapped back. She was not happy that this no-faced Akatsuki member had growled at her.

Kakuzu almost sighed. Almost. "I want to hear nothing except the click of those lights turning off. A _simple_ prisoner doesn't deserve light."

Sakura laughed. "Well, considering that that door's locked and I doubt you have the key, I think that turning off the light is entirely my decision." She stuck her tongue out and made a goofy face towards the closed door.

"I don't appreciate mockery in attitude or facial expressions either." Kakuzu said, feeling his already thin patience get close to snapping.

Sakura bolted up. "What are you – psychic?" She was seriously beginning to wonder about the Akatsuki and their odd power of being able to tell what she was doing through a closed door. Sakura suddenly began to search around the room for hidden cameras or a peep hole.

"There is no hidden camera or any other perverted thing you're probably thinking about at the moment."

"Psh, like I'd believe a man that's getting all uppity about a light." Sakura replied, still looking for that hidden camera.

_Snap_.

"Open. The. Door." Kakuzu growled. His black threads began swirling around his body menacingly.

Sakura put a finger on her chin, looking very odd since her hands were handcuffed together. "I think…I won't." She said flippantly, grinning mischievously.

By the end of her words the threads were whipping against the walls, making scratches as long as three feet. Tobi, who had been trying to find Deidara, walked innocently down the hall. He spotted Kakuzu and skipped over to him.

"Hi! Tobi's looking for Diedara." He stated happily, narrowly dodging the black threads.

"Tobi, go away or I will sell your body to Orochimaru." Kakuzu growled. Sakura had begun flicking the lights on and off repeatedly, knowing that it annoyed him. Her cheerful laugh resonated through the door.

Tobi froze. Even he knew what Orochimaru did to boys like himself.

"Look! Tobi found a…a bird!" The orange masked boy yelled, pointing down the hall. He then proceeded to run after the bird. Kakuzu didn't even bother to react to Tobi's stupid lie and try to tell him that there was no way a bird could get into the secret hideout. Instead, the man was too busy being annoyed by a mysterious prisoner who had a death wish.

"Ha! Look! I'm doing it to the tune of "I wish you a merry Christmas!" Sakura laughed as she flicked the light on and off.

"I'm going to break down this door in ten seconds. You can save yourself a little pain if you open it before then." He didn't bother to mention that either way she would suffer terribly. He just assumed she knew that much.

"Hmm…what's scarier? A shark-man with fuzzy handcuffs or a no-name no-face Akatsuki member that is getting angry over a lightbulb?" She thought out loud, giving the light a few more flicks before jumping back on the bed. She wasn't too scared of the man outside the door, but she didn't feel like getting pummeled by a door.

"Trust me. I am much, much scarier." He pulled his arm back and was right about to punch a crater-sized hole through the door when a loud yell distracted him.

Deidara was running full speed down the hall. His hands were busy making clay birds which he was presently throwing at Kakuzu.

"Deidara! What do you think you're doing?" Kakuzu asked, throwing up a wall of black threads. The small bombs exploded, causing minimal damage (as compared to the rest of the house) to the walls.

"Step away from the pink room. I need to kill that girl!" Deidara yelled, coming to a halt in front of the much taller man. His long blonde hair was messy and his face had a pink tinge. It was obvious that he had been working much too hard to try and grab all of the clay and come back to kill Sakura.

"No." Kakuzu barked. "I need to kill her too."

"No! I called it!" Deidara yelled, already making more birds.

"Hey…don't I get a say in who kills me?" Sakura asked from the other side of the door.

"No." "No!"

"Fine…fine, just asking, gosh."Sakura really didn't understand the Akatsuki, nor did she want to.

"How about no one kills our prisoner until we say so?" Kisame asked, walking up to the pair with Itachi following. The blue shark turned to Kakuzu with a non-existent eyebrow raised. "I'm surprised you're in this."

Kakuzu ignored Kisame's jibe. "Why did you bring a girl here? Especially one so annoying. Don't we have enough people like her?" He asked.

"Hey! Don't put me in the same category as that girl!" Deidara yelled, understanding Kakuzu immediately.

Itachi, not really caring about their argument, walked up to the door and opened it. Both Deidara and the intelligent Kakuzu turned to watch as the door opened with ease.

"You mean it wasn't locked?" Deidara yelled, his eye wide with shock. Kakuzu just steamed silently.

"Yeah, who would carry the lock to _that_ door?" Kisame answered simply. A peal of laughter came from the open doorway as a small pink-haired girl walked out.

"You both are idiots." She said, pointing to Kakuzu and Deidara, her hands again looking odd since the men were a few feet apart and her hands were still tied together.

Then, both Deidara and Kakuzu lunged for the girl.

Thus ended Sakura's first day being held hostage by the Akatsuki…with her in handcuffs and Tobi carrying around a brightly colored parrot.

* * *

Yeah...I don't think I've ever really written Kakuzu or Tobi, so it was pretty difficult. :)

I'd really appreciate reviews! Akatsuki are extremely hard for me to write. Add that on to comedy and it's like torture. :P


	5. Maid Service and Zombies

Wrote this pretty quickly...it was a lot of fun and extra long...sorry for the wait :)

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After roughly prying Sakura's sharp teeth from Deidara's arm and Kakuzu's hands around her neck, Itachi and Kisame took her into another room to talk.

"So, what'cha guys going to do to me? Torture, death, or something just a little more original?" She asked flippantly as she collapsed on the couch in what was apparently the living room. A large, surprisingly intact, television sat in the corner surrounded by what appeared to be piles of trash and other things that she would rather not identify. Some of it looked to be moving.

"Actually you'll be living somewhat pain free for the next few months at least. Leader says we could use a good healer like yourself." Kisame replied just as flippantly, sitting in a lounge chair across from her. Itachi just remained sitting, from not wanting to sit next to Sakura or just wanting to look like a bad ass will never be known…

"Wow, that's very unoriginal." She said frankly with a nod.

"Well, no one said it wasn't going to be. Anyways, now that's we're over your apparent lack of thanks for us saving your life, your first job is to clean this room."

"What?" Sakura asked, her mouth dropping a few inches. "You said I'd be a medic. Nowhere in that sentence did I hear 'Hey, Sakura, did we mention you'll also be our slave too? Hahaha.'" Kisame and Itachi both simply ignored her rather crazed laugh.

"No one called you a slave." Kisame said to the over-dramatic female. "But you have to do something in between healing – you can't just sit around doing nothing."

"But isn't that what you guys do in between missions?" She retorted smartly, crossing her arms and sticking her nose in the air.

"We train." Itachi replied when it was apparent Kisame was too annoyed to speak.

"And I don't need to train my medical skills?" She was being a brat, but this was much more fun than cooperating. Plus, she wanted to see what color Kisame changed when he got really angry.

"Just shut up, Pink." Kisame said with a rather large sigh. Sakura pretended to zip her lips shut and then Kisame continued. "We're really in no hurry for you to clean. Take your time." He then got up to leave, Itachi following.

"Wait, you want me to start now?" She asked, staring at the trash that surrounded her.

"Duh." Kisame said with a blank look before walking out.

Sakura groaned before looking around her again. The room was pretty big, but almost all of it was covered with something, whether it was trash and plaster on the ground or holes in the wall. It was bad enough that she never had to clean her own home since she was never there, but now she had to clean her captors' home too?

"I am so killing Naruto when I get back." She mumbled, evil intent soaking her words.

So, Sakura began her cleaning, deciding to grab a trash bag from the pile that Kisame had left and start with the floor. It started out fine, she picked up a few pieces of paper, some clay, and a few puppet pieces; but then it got weird…and disgusting. Sakura had seen Naruto's home on days that he forgot to clean up and that didn't compare to the oddities that she had picked up in the Akatsuki living room. Moldy plates that ranged from green to white to blue and, she swears, to red; more than a few dirty bandages soaked in dried blood; and even a finger. Yes, a human (she thinks) finger.

It only took four hours, but by the time she finished the room looked just a little better. The carpet was like a rainbow with colors from brown to green in some places, but other than that it was pretty clean.

"You can stop now." Kisame said as he walked into the room. Deidara and Hidan followed him and neither could hide their shock at the clean state of the once even more disgusting room.

"What's that smell?" Deidara said, scrunching up his nose as he looked around.

"That's the smell of an almost clean room, something you probably haven't smelt in a long time by the looks of it." She eyed him from head to toe to emphasize her point. It took ten minutes for Kisame and Hidan to stop the cat-fight that ensued.

"I didn't think that you could do such a good job." Kisame said nicely, sitting down on the same lounge chair that he had earlier. "It actually looks pretty decent."

"Of course it does – I cleaned it." She laughed haughtily, causing all two men and one shark to look at her. "Anyways I'm starving. Feed me." She ordered, collapsing on the couch.

"Uh…that's why we came to get you. We're hungry too." Deidara said, holding his head where Sakura had attempted to pull a chunk of his blonde hair out of.

"I can't cook." Sakura said, suddenly sitting up.

"What?" Hidan yelled with a sneer. "What good are you then, bitch?"

"Hey, I cleaned up this disgusting room of yours so why don't you shut up?" She said with a sneer of her own. They stared at each other until Kisame coughed to get their attention.

"You can try, can't you?" He asked, standing up from his chair.

"…I suppose." She said with a sigh, following him to the kitchen.

When Sakura said she couldn't cook, she wasn't lying. She could cook ramen and rice, pretty much all one needed on a mission, and she went out to eat when she was at home. She never needed to cook because there was usually someone to do it for her. The last time she tried to make a pot roast ended up with Naruto in the hospital with third degree burns and food poisoning.

She was going to try. Not because she wanted to cook for the Akatsuki, not because she was starving; no, Sakura was going to cook because she was pretty sure that she was probably the best cook there.

This was, in fact, proven when she opened their refrigerator.

"…beer, wine, and…what is that?" She asked. Hidan popped his head in next to hers.

"Oh, that was that damn plant's food from a few months ago. I wouldn't touch it if I was you." He warned, before going back to sit at the kitchen table where Kisame and Deidara were presently sitting.

"Don't you guys have somewhere better to be?" She asked, staring at the odd trio. They looked so out-of-place sitting on the oak table, almost homely if not for their weapons and the fact that Kisame was a shark…

"Nope." Deidara replied with a shrug. Sakura nodded, accepting his answer simply.

"Anyways," she started with a loud sigh, "you guys have nothing I can cook with, let alone eat. In fact, what do you guys eat?" She was curious since there was practically no food. Practically since apparently one Akatsuki member was eating, not that she really wanted to know what that thing in the fridge used to be.

"Usually we're never here, but the Leader has given us the week off." Kisame said as if that explained everything thoroughly.

"And so why didn't you guys think to get some food?" She asked, leaning against a counter top.

"They were when they saw an ugly pink-haired child wandering through the woods. Being such great citizens they picked up the child and brought her to safety." Deidara said sarcastically, rolling his eye.

"I'll have you know that I'm eighteen!" She hissed. "And I'm tired of you…you old men calling me a child!" She yelled, stomping her foot in a temper tantrum.

Deidara and Hidan look shocked at being called old men. Kisame, who was 35, just shrugged.

"Hey, bitch, I'm only 25." "I'm only 22…" Hidan and Deidara said respectively.

"Well, I don't care since apparently being 18 is _such_ a young age then being 22 and 25 is like being 40 in my opinion. And I don't even want to think about how old you are, Aqua man." Kisame looked at her when she said her newest nickname, but other ignored her, choosing instead to watch the two prideful males egos slowly crumble into dust.

Sakura, happy in her childish victory, went about looking for anything to eat. She frantically searched the cupboards, making such loud noises that Kakuzu and Itachi both came in to see what was going on, both ending up at the kitchen table with the other males. It was an interesting sight to watch the pink-haired female run around the rather large kitchen, throwing open and closing the cabinets in one, loud, swift motion.

Finally, she found something. It wasn't much, but it was enough…

"Here, happy?" She said, throwing down bowls of the food.

"What is it?" Hidan asked.

"It's beef broth." Sakura said with a grin. All she ended up finding was three beef bouillon cubes a little rice. She just put the cubes in hot water and served a small bowl of rice with it.

All of the men, minus Itachi who really didn't care, looked at her expectantly, waiting to see her pull out a turkey dinner or at least something better than flavored water.

"Don't look at me; I just used what I had to work with." She sat down; her rice mixed with the broth in hand, and began eating. She was fine with the plainness of the meal.

"What are you guys doing?" A smooth, emotionless voice asked from the doorway. Hearing the familiar tone made Sakura freeze and the hair on her neck rise.

Without looking at the speaker she screamed:

"No. Way. No way…I do _not_ deal with zombies!"

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I'm sure everyone knows who this "zombie" is :)

Tell me what you all thought!

And, hopefully the updates will get faster once the semester ends (May 7). I'm seriously swamped.


	6. Some Girly Zombies and a Small Lunch

I have not forgotten about this story!

Super short, but I'm going to try and get the next chapter up earlier.

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"He's not a zombie!" Deidara yelled for the hundredth time as the men tried to pry Sakura's hands away from her eyes. He soon gave up though and she rolled away. Ever since she heard the voice she had refused to look at anyone and had decided to curl up into a ball and fall to the floor. She looked similar to a pillbug on its back as she rolled aimless around, her eyes covered.

"You never killed him, you dumb bitch!" Hidan yelled as Sakura rolled into him for the tenth time. He kicked her over to Kisame who just ignored the other man's tenth attempt at playing soccer.

"Are you questioning my awesome ninja skills?" Sakura asked, her eyes still covered. She had an abnormal fear of zombies ever since all of Konoha's ninjas had decided to pick similar costumes one year for Halloween. She had been on a mission the week before and came home to find the entire town overrun with zombies. No one bothered to tell her it was for Halloween, not even her own parents (both of whom attacked her as a 'joke'). Ever since, she couldn't stand the sight or even the mention of zombies.

"Well we all know you don't have any." Deidara replied with a roll of his eyes.

Sakura gave a feral growl before lunging on the blonde man. Something about him just makes her want to attack him and rip his hair out…

This plan failed when all, minus Itachi of course, lunged after the pink haired girl and pulled her away from the screeching man.

"You scream like a girl." Hidan commented with a smirk as he watch the man wipe some blood from his lip. Sakura had gotten one good punch in and was now doing an odd, triumphant dance, saying how "for someone with no skills she was awesome" or something similar.

"Well you look like one." Deidara hissed back.

"Better than acting like one, bitch." Hidan retorted, his hand on his scythe. Kisame just rolled his eyes at the chaos surrounding him. One fights ends and another begins.

"You both are idiots _and_ you both are girly. The end." Sakura yelled, sliding in between the two men. She didn't care about their health. The two could kill each other for all she cared. She just didn't want to have to clean up the mess they might make – both in the kitchen and out of each other. She didn't want to imagine the nightmare that would result in her having to stitch up the two annoying men.

"Shut up!" Deidara screamed. This caused all the men, and Sakura and Hidan, to stare at him small smirks on their faces, minus Itachi the Tree.

"Way to prove her point, dumbass." Hidan said with a larger smirk.

"She seems to brighten up the place." The familiar voice said emotionlessly to Itachi who gave the slightest nod back in agreement. Yet again, Sakura froze.

"I'm hardly a zombie, Sakura. For me to be one would be a very complicated process not only involving death, but coming back from it. To do so would most likely have to involve Orochimaru in some way or another and he is a person I would rather not involve myself with again." He said his small part eloquently and without a hint of emotion, but Sakura really didn't care.

"So," she paused, "you don't want to eat my brains?"

"I don't there'd be much food there." Deidara said under his breath. Kisame and Hidan both nodded their heads in solemn agreement.

"No, Sakura, I do not need to eat anything, let alone brains. Perhaps you should be a little frightened of –," Sasori was going to continue, but the other Akatsuki members, minus Itachi, shook their heads frantically. "Never mind, do not be frightened of any of us. You have your ninja skills, remember?" He added, completely serious. Hidan and Deidara just rolled their eyes.

"You're right. I defeated you when I was fourteen-" "Not by yourself" Deidara interrupted. "-_however_ I'm pretty sure I'd defeat you again, by myself this time." She said, giving the blonde man a smug look.

"You might be right, but I think that you should concentrate on your duties first. You don't want to give yourself more work to do." Sasori said calmly. Kisame stared at the puppet man who was treating the girl similar to a child. It was a very good idea…

Sakura though over her options. 1) Beat up the zombie who claims he's not a zombie and get more work or 2) live with a zombie and have less work.

"I'll let you live for now." She said nobly, nodding her head slightly. "But one look at my brain and you'll get it."

"He'll get your brain?" Hidan mocked, bursting out into laughter which Deidara soon joined in.

Thus started another fight which ended with Sakura running away from Hidan who changed into his skull form and began chasing her while yelling something about having an extremely small lunch….

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So I might add some romance into the next chapter...

Maybe...

If do, what do you guys want? Hidan? Deidara? The Tree Man (Itachi)? Kakuzu?


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